I used to be a guy with no feelings. Someone who just wouldn't care. I had no intention to fathom what was going on around in the world. The only things I focused on were my knowledge and my career. I carelessly thought about problems that were only technical and never really enjoyed life at all.
I was a guy with just goals. Someone with a lot of ambitions but without any destiny. I created a world in my mind but for whom or with whom was something I never thought of.
I used to smile when a new game released or a new JavaScript framework dropped or a new LLM model became available. I had a lot of priorities which kept rearranging without any thought or importance. It all felt like I had to change the world all by myself. I was destined towards goals and only my goals. I was truly a bamboo - tall outside but hollow inside.
Over the last couple of months, I have felt different. It just doesn't feel the same way. It feels like I can finally feel what it is like to be alive. I don't regret it but I do miss my old lifestyle a bit. Now I feel truly grateful when I achieve anything. It feels a lot better when you can share it with someone. I also realise that I can hold both hand in hand and one doesn't have to cause problems for the other. And again, it feels different to be seen from someone else's eyes. It just feels good.
I really like her eyes. The way she smiles. The way she speaks. There's nothing I can't elaborate a day about. Tiny little details suddenly become important - from testing messages to actually using messaging apps. The way I call her sweetie and cutuu without even thinking. The way she responds with that same warmth.
I really love the way we are and I think we can make it to the end. I love how it instantly clicks between us. She is a bit scared while I am really confident that in the end it will work out wonderfully. I love every aspect of us if someone really asks.
The uncertainty is real but I don't hate it. I really appreciate you coming into my life and I hope to provide enough value to us as well. All the dreams that we have, all the places we want to be - I really want to make them true.
And I will never forget the Porsche.